Did Something Funny Happen This Week
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Ready to get out the seriousness and stress of the day behind you for a picayune fleck? These funny things to say will practise the play a trick on!
Whether you're looking for a few funny things to say that take some adult-rated humor or you're seeking giggle-inducing one-liners to share with kids, this list of 100 hilarious things to say will have you lot and your loved ones laughing out loud in no time.
From funny things to say to a crowd to funny things to say to your coworkers, we rounded up the all-time LOL-worthy sayings all in one spot. So read on and share your favorites with your friends—or anyone really! Subsequently all, who couldn't apply a trivial more laughter in their twenty-four hours?
Funny Things to Say
one. I'one thousand and then glad nosotros accept brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be whatsoever chocolate milk.
2. 9 out of 10 voices in my caput tell me I'm crazy. The 10th is just humming.
three. Subsequently Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
4. Y'all should always knock before opening a fridge, only in example there'southward a salad dressing inside.
5. A successful man is one who earns more than than his wife tin can spend. A successful woman is 1 who knows where to wait for such a man.
6. A pessimist is someone who has spent as well much time listening to optimists.
7. Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
8. My tallest finger loves giving people standing ovations.
ix. Every woman should ally an archeologist, because the older she gets, the more he'll honey her.
10. 6:30 is the best fourth dimension on a clock, easily downwards.
11. I used to think I was indecisive. Just at present I'm not and then sure.
12. A bag of money can correspond not only wealth, only also massive inflation.
13. It's funny how the cost of living is going up but the run a risk of living is going down.
14. Try calling someone just to tell them you can't talk right at present.
xv. I am a great housekeeper. Every time I leave a human being, I keep his house.
16. Is there a connection betwixt candy corn and corn basics?
17. I can tell when people are existence judgmental just by looking at them.
18. The next time you lot buy a donut, complain that there's a hole in it.
nineteen. A cookie a 24-hour interval keeps your sadness abroad, only an entire jar of cookies a day brings information technology dorsum.
20. I'g not going to remarry. This time, I'g just going to pick a woman I don't like and give her a house instead.
21. If hamburger meat makes a meatloaf, then laziness will make me-a-loaf.
22. I had used up all of my sick leave, so I called in dead.
23. I am going to get my toe nail-pierced this Friday.
24. I've had bad luck with both my wives. The get-go ane abandoned me, only the 2d did not.
25. I've ever idea air was free. That is, I did until I went out and bought a $iii pocketbook of crisps.
26. Don't worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more than letters in the alphabet!
27. An apple a day keeps the doctor away…if you lot throw it hard enough!
28. Organized people are those who are just too lazy to notice their things.
29. Hi, I am (your proper noun), but you tin can call me tomorrow!
thirty. A psychiatrist is someone who will charge you coin for answers that you can get for gratuitous from your wife or friends.
31. If a market is well stocked, is it chosen the stock marketplace?
32. Globe is like the insane aviary for the universe.
33. Certain, alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But then once more, neither does milk.
34. Barbie is so popular and nevertheless, kids still purchase friends for her.
35. If you lend someone coin and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny.
36. Refusing to go to the gym is one of the best forms of resistance training.
37. I don't suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
38. Always recall that you're unique…just like everyone else is.
39. Running in place volition get you nowhere fast.
forty. I'm reading a volume well-nigh anti-gravity. Information technology'south impossible to put down.
41. The rotation of Earth actually makes my day.
42. Whatsoever is eating you must exist really hungry.
43. LOL has gone from meaning "express mirth out loud" to "I take nothing else to say."
44. I promise to step on your feet if you dance with me.
45. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'
46. I am on a seafood diet. I see nutrient, and I swallow information technology.
47. Is cardboard more than lath than card or more card than board?
48. A all-time friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after yous die.
49. I don't take an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
50. Except for a parking meter, modify is inevitable.
51. Is a heart attack the aforementioned every bit an attack of the eye?
52. We identify too much accent on the early bird'south good luck and not enough on the early worm'due south bad luck.
53. I sold my vacuum cleaner because all information technology was doing was gathering dust.
54. I don't really need a hairstylist since my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
55. I tried rearranging the alphabet, but for some reason, the messages U and I would never split up.
56. Communist jokes aren't funny unless anybody gets them.
57. If you think no one cares whether you're live or expressionless, just skip a handful of credit carte payments.
58. Why aren't coffees served on a coffee tabular array?
59. I would really like to assistance you out today. Which mode did you come up in?
60. I have clean censor. I haven't used it one time,
61. Whiteboards really are remarkable.
62. Whoever said y'all can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop!
63. When you lot become to a public bathroom, put chocolate on your easily, reach under the stall and ask for a toilet paper.
64. Answers are what we accept to solve other people's problems.
65. Can cars cease at a double-decker stop?
66. If you lot really want to look young and thin and then you should hang out around fat former people.
67. A balanced diet only means a having cupcake in each hand.
68. Endeavour ordering a pizza 15 minutes before New year, and when information technology arrives, yell, "Yous're late! I ordered this a twelvemonth agone!"
69. I don't understand how people can be so open up-minded. Whenever I try, my brain keeps falling out.
70. The just thing I go out of Algebra is when I look at Ten and wonder Y.
71. How tin can you scoot along if you don't take a scooter?
72. I'll accept a bloody mary because they say it helps cure hangovers.
73. It's difficult to do zero because yous never know when you're done.
74. Spousal relationship has no guarantees. If that'due south exactly what you lot are looking for, go live with a car battery.
75. Simply take my advice because I'chiliad not going to apply information technology.
76. Dogs can't come across inside your body, but CAT scan.
77. What is the soul good for if laughter is good for the soul?
78. If history repeats itself, I'thousand getting a pet dinosaur.
79. Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer.
lxxx. Yous're in the wrong lane when everything is coming at you.
81. If you are on a nutrition, the first three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty accurate correct at present.
82. When someone tells y'all, "Have a overnice day!", stare at them and say, "Don't tell me what to do!"
83. Y'all are so annoying. Yous are then weird. You are and then crazy. You are and then stupid. You are and so clingy. You are…just like me.
84. I'thou out of my heed. I'll exist back in v minutes.
85. Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. It's never a skillful idea to potable and derive.
86. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times, I allow my married woman slumber.
87. If I tried to look as attractive as all of the celebrities I like, I'd stop up looking about equally ugly equally I am.
88. If we were on a plane about to crash and only had 1 parachute, I hope I'd give an amazing spoken communication at your funeral.
89. I am non as think as you confused I am really!
xc. Effort calling Pizza Hut just to ask Domino'south phone number.
91. Isn't it strange that cigarettes are sold in gas stations, since smoking is prohibited there?
92. Why is at that place a low-cal bulb in the fridge if yous're not supposed to eat at night?
93. Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
94. Delight excuse my naivety. I was born at a very early age.
95. If your friends don't brand fun of you lot, they're not really your friends.
96. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a landscape worth?
97. I'd exist happy to give yous a shoulder to cry on, except I don't want my shoulder to get wet.
98. There are 3 different types of people. Those who can count, and those who tin can't.
99. Try texting someone a random word and see what happens side by side.
100. It was equally piece of cake as a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.
Check out…
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Source: https://parade.com/1219273/marynliles/funny-things-to-say/
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